If you know me in “real” life or have read my blog before, you probably know that I lost my first child, Francis, to miscarriage just over two years ago.  Sadly, a friend of mine had a miscarriage last week.  Since hearing about her loss, I’ve been thinking a lot about Francis, my experience with miscarriage and how best to be there for my friend and others suffering the loss of a child.

Losing a child, born or unborn, is one of the greatest pains a parent can experience.  To make matters worse, in a society that doesn’t always value life, miscarriage is often seen as merely the loss of a pregnancy.  But to a parent, a miscarriage is so much more.  It is the loss of a precious child who was loved and wanted.  To a grandparent, miscarriage is the loss of a dear grandchild.  To a child, it is the loss of a brother or sister and anticipated playmate.  And to a mother, miscarriage is the loss of a life that we looked forward to carrying and nurturing, not just for the remainder of our pregnancy, but for the rest of our lives.  We do not grieve the loss of our pregnancies; we grieve the loss of our children.

No matter how long they are with us, our children change us.  I suppose when you love anyone as deeply as you love your children, you are changed.  Losing a child, too, changes us.  Love and suffering, especially when intertwined, greatly impact our lives.  Even more so, there is something about a mutual suffering that binds two people together like nothing else can.

I know it may sound strange to say this, but I am thankful for my miscarriage.  I am thankful for the blessing of my precious Francis, for the joy that he brought to our lives in the short time that he was with us, and for his eternal life as a saint in heaven.  I am thankful for the changes that occurred in me, in my attitude, and in my marriage as a result of our love for Francis and the suffering of losing him.  I’m thankful for Caleb, who, if not for losing Francis, wouldn’t be here at all. 

I know it’s cliche to say, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  Nothing is outside of God’s perfect plan and “God works all things for good for those who love Him” (Romans 8:28).  Losing a child isn’t something you “get over,” but you do move forward, carrying your child with you in your heart.  There is healing, hope, peace, and even joy in the midst of the suffering. 

“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD.“ 1 Samuel 1:27,28  

During my pregnancy, it didn’t matter what I ate, I gained weight.  I could eat salads or ice cream, either way, the number on the scale continued to rise.  By the end of my pregnancy I had packed on 50 pounds.  In the days following my son’s birth, the weight literally fell off…two pounds one day, three the next…  It was wonderful!  But, after I had lost the water weight that I had retained during pregnancy, my weight loss came to a screeching halt.  I knew I was going to have to work to shed those last pounds.  I told myself that I would be back to my pre-pregnancy weight by the time my son was nine months old.  Well, nine months came and went quicker than I could have ever imagined and I had still not reached my goal weight.  So, I set a new goal.  Surely by the time my baby turned one I would have no problem losing the weight, right?  Wrong.  His birthday passed and I was still hanging on to those last 10 pounds.  When I took my son in for his one-year check-up, I had my annual physical as well.  My doctor calculated my BMI as “borderline overweight.”  That was the last straw.  I had to do something to lose the last of my baby weight and I had to do it quick!  

With all of the busyness and sleep deprivation that go along with motherhood, I was left with little time to devote to exercise.  On top of that, a car accident in August left me with a herniated disk in my lower back, making it painful to do much more than walk.  A stringent exercise regiment was simply not an option for me.  I knew I needed to make a change in my diet.  However, even with the best of intentions, when you’re short on time, it can be difficult to prepare the healthiest meals on a daily basis.  I needed something quick and convenient that I could easily fit into my daily schedule.  Enter Visalus and the weight is falling off again.  Visalus makes a meal replacement shake called Vi-Shape that I began having for breakfast every day.  I began the 90-day challenge with a goal of losing 10 pounds.  In the first six weeks, changing nothing else, I have already lost six pounds.  The shakes taste great, are affordable (less than $2 per serving when mixed with milk), and nutritious.  I can drink my shake while I feed my son his breakfast or on my drive to work. 

My husband began taking the Vi-Shape shakes, too.  His goals are not to lose weight, but to maintain his current weight, add nutrition and build muscle.  Because we are both taking the product daily and loving the results, we have decided to become Visalus distributors as well.  Referring others to a product that not only works but tastes great is something we would do anyway; we figured we might as well get paid for it.  Please visit our website or email kirkandbrenda@bodyby90.com if you’re interested in losing weight or earning money (or both!) with Visalus Sciences and the Body by Vi Challenge.